You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
