This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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