Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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