it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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