We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude. I can hear the air.
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