he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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