you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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