I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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