I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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