where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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