well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
