I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
