She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
