do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When are your genitals available?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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