Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
