yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
