so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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