I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
