I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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