I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
