so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
