why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
