I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
