I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize