y did u give ur computer a hand job?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
