My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
