can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
