I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
