you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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