i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
