i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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