Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
