I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize