how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
