she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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