a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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