youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
