he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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