Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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