At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
