oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
