i just google imaged poop.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
