This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
