I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
