i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's always time for handjobs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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