I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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