So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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