Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
