and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
