I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
