Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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