So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
