Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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