I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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