i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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