If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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