I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
