***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
