instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
