Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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