I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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