Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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