we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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