dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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