Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
