Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i now understand why vodka
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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