I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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