false alarm. still invincible.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
