Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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