just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
