Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
