Porn is love you can see.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
