Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize