took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
